The relationship between a mother-n-law and her daughter-in-law is of prime importance in the domestic life of a family. A pleasing relationship between the two ladies to the happiness of the home. Every member of the family dwells as in heaven when they express mutual respect for each other and make understanding a basic pillar of their living.
On the other hand the strained relatins between these two are devastating thousands of families. Hundreds of ladies have committed suicide so far across the length and breadth of the valley and many more are still living a hellish life only due to misunderstanding between them. There are clear rules for both on running family affairs smoothly
A mother-in-law should always treat her daughter in-law as her own child. It shouldn’t be limited to just words or merely showing to strangers that she is respecting her, but it must be through good intentions. How she treats her own daughter, is how the daughter in-law should be treated.
The daughter-in-law must be so nicely treated that she forgets her parents and parental home.
For her comfort, affection and good health every member of the family must play a positive role.
She shouldn’t be considered like a maidservant to be commanded. This will dishearten her.
If she makes a minor mistake, instead of abusing her or informing her parents, one must guide her affectionately. It develops her love for you and next time she proves your strong companion.
Never complain about your daughter In-law in front of your neighbours and relatives. In case she is wrong on something, inform her mother or elder sister only. Never say her, “You don’t know anything. You haven’t learnt anything. Your parents haven’t given you good manners.” Instead she must be taught the way you teach your own daughter. When they commit mistakes, do you inform your neighbours and relatives ? No. So in the similar way a daughter-in-law, when treated with utmost affection, she too plays her good role in considering her in-laws as her own parents. Otherwise it is seldom possible for her to think so.
What you think is good for your own daughters with regard to clothing, or food, a daughter in-law must be given similar consideration. If the daughter-in-law feels discomfort or she isn’t feeling well, instead of giving her commands to perform a particular task, you must yourself do that chore. When she is ill , you must accompany her to a doctor and be serious the way you are when your own daughters feel unwell. She must be allowed to take rest and prescribed medicines and eatables.
When she does any work, appreciate her and pray for her well-being but not to remain busy in finding faults in her work.
You mustn’t be habitual of complaining about the daughter in-law infront of her husband and father in-law instead you must hide her faults the way you ignore the mistakes and faults of your own daughters.
You must advise your son to look after his spouse and take care of her especially when she feels ill. It will create an everlasting love, affection and mutual respect among all the family members.
You must always advise your daughters and your sons to treat her well. Further you must caution them not to give her commands and consider her like a coolie or outsider. Instead you must make them understand that she is part and parcel of your family and if treated with utmost affection and love, she would respect and love you.
Further it must be reiterated to them that in their mother’s absence it is she who distributes food among them so she is like their elder sister.
Never make a demand of dowry to your daughter-in-law. In case she doesn’t bring any item, never complain about it nor taunt her. If you continuously insult her, she may take some extreme step as have been reported earlier.
If an outsider asks about the work and conduct of the daughter in-law, never say negative things. Always praise her for her work and behaviour before outsiders.
Apart from the mother-in-law sometimes we see the father-in-law too indulge in unnecessary family affairs with the result both spouses become victims of depression and mental trauma which leads to the devastation of the family. Instead of treating her like his own daughter, the father-in-law gives her unnecessary commands as if she is a maid. His daughters and sons too misbehave, which makes the life of the newcomer quite melancholic.
The most distressing episodes are experienced when all other family members are on one side, thinking, sharing, managing and living a separate life within one common family and the daughter in-law and her children are on the other side. In such circumstances she always feels lonely and she thinks of herself as living among strangers.
At that point it becomes the duty of the husband either to overhaul his parents and siblings or to rehabilitate his wife with peaceful dignity. The husband’s siblings torture his wife only due to undue powers given to them by his parents.
If the husband’s younger siblings aren’t given undue powers by his parents and they themselves manage every family affair with utmost honesty, our families wouldn’t shatter but would become abodes of peace and tranquillity. So many women have ended their lives due to domestic violence at the hands of their husbands and other in-laws.
At the time of engagement and the nuptials, her in-laws-to-be leave no stone unturned to assure her she would be treated like their own daughter but once the bride is brought home, all the assurances prove false. She is tortured and always considered a burden and stranger in the home which is contradictory to the noble teachings of Islam . A hadith of the Holy Prophet (PBUH) is “The best amongst you is the one who is good to his wife. I have been the best to my wives”.
The need of the hour is to get acquainted about the noble teachings of Islam with regard to living a better family life especially with our daughters-in-law.
