Neglected parenting is an essential factor that explains the transformation of an innocent child into a grown-up of debatable character and low intellect. This is true even in the most privileged sections of our society. The state juggling with the plethora of problems must realise that a neglected child today is a disturbed adult tomorrow. And, indeed, a neglected, wrongly parented child of yesterday is the rude, irrational adult of today. From the political domain to the social spectrum, is it too hard for us to see uncouth louts roaming the streets of Pakistan and lording over social media?
The gruesome fate Sarah Inam met recently, just a year after the gory episode involving Noor Mukadam, is an indication — confirmation, actually — that the chronic wound is beginning to rot. We need to raise better children. Period.
It is time to ask ourselves if we are raising our children as we should. The quality of parenting available to our children needs a serious assessment. Trends, traditions, societal pressures and social customs in society remain unchecked in most households. Indeed, there are households that encourage such consequent tendencies, thereby producing potentially unbalanced characters.
According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), nearly three in four children, or 300 million children aged 2-4 years, regularly suffer maltreatment around the globe. What we see in men in our society is the manifestation of the treatment these men have been subjected to as a child; only the manifestation is sometimes exacerbated due to personal inclinations and, of course, the lack of the rule of law.
Studies show that more than 78 per cent prisoners have actually had abused childhoods. In Pakistan, with no training for the parents, children face sheer neglect and are subjected to severe corporal punishments and humiliation that surface in a negative shape in their adulthood.
A 25-year-old Business graduate, who still finds it hard to sleep alone in a room as she recalls her childhood traumas, once recalled that every time she made a mistake, her father would lock her in the room for the whole night. Growing up with the constant fear of getting locked up and feeling suffocated, her childhood traumas have silently qualified her future roles in various capacities. With no one to go to for help and suffering continuously and in silence, such children grow into emotionally unbalanced adults and try to avenge the very society which failed them as a child.
Another student, a boy all of 22 years, finds it hard to have an eye contact with elders. Beaten into a pulp, the boy relived the memories of the torture he endured as a child. In a conservative, closed and vastly illiterate society, matters take a grave turn when children are treated badly by their very own parents, either because the parents are not qualified enough, or are also suffering from depression and anxiety.
It is time we started taking care of the root causes; mere politically-motivated cosmetic antidotes might make us look better on the surface, but they will not halt the internal rot and degeneration which is at the core of society. If we don’t take that route, the wounds will keep spitting blood out on our faces from time to time.
Pakistan is ranked amongst the countries having the lowest scores on parameters related to child protection and safety. Children of all ages are subjected to mental and physical trauma growing up. According to the United Nations Development Programme (UNDP), in 90pc of the cases the tormentors are a close relative or a trusted aid.
This is even worse in the case of children with special needs as they are dependent on others for some of their needs and their parents are mostly too occupied to turn to their needs. Hence, they suffer in silence with no help in sight. Such incidents develop into traumas and chronic disorders as the children grow, turning them into a negative character in society.
The government has been sensitising the teachers about the harmful impacts of corporal punishment. It is time that projects for training potential and new parents were started where they can learn how to be better at crafting a child into a valuable citizen of society. Parenting, like any other job and skill, needs training.
It is harder than starting walking as a child for which we all took help and training. With technology, it just requires willingness. Short interactive video courses in local languages generating certificates can immensely help, and should be a must to get the birth certificate of the child.
Such steps will give the nation a chance to have more rational, sensitised people among us. This will improve the quality of our nation in every possible sense. Yes, from the political domain to the social spectrum, the change will be visible across the board in the years ahead, provided we start doing what we need to do today. Will we or won’t we?
MUHAMMD ALI FALAK
TEXAS, USA
