When William Wordsworth referred to the child as father of the man, he was alluding to the fact that the behaviour and attitudes adopted in childhood go a long way in building a man’s personality. There can be little doubt that this is as true today as it was in 1802 when Wordsworth penned the immortal lines of ‘My heart leaps up’. However, the typical modern fathers, by raising their children in a way that has been in vogue for a while now, have managed to give a very literal meaning to the phrase ‘father of the man’.
So it is that an observer could easily be forgiven for thinking that it is the young ones who are fathers of adult men, and not the other way around. That is how spectacularly children of the brave new world succeed in having their own way. While one must be careful not to be overly nostalgic for a past utopia, one can do worse than occasionally take stock of one’s current circumstances by looking in the rear-view mirror, so to speak. Not very long ago, children were very clear about the fact that they would encroach the boundaries set by their parents, especially their fathers, at their own peril. Provider, guide, protector, teacher – the father used to be many things to his children; but a friend was not one of those things. It was only a few years ago that most fathers realized that it was impossible for them to swim against the tide. Children gained friends as a result but lost their fathers – an unwise exchange because friendship (though precious) is extremely dearly purchased at such a high price.
Again, the object is by no means to glorify the imaginary virtues of a past when the distance between parents and children was in many cases notoriously stretched to a degree that did no good to anybody. It is also undeniable however that fathers are supposed to play a role in their children’s lives that nobody else can. Especially in case of their sons, for whom it is so crucial to have a role model around while they are growing up. And who better as a father-figure than a good father himself!
It used to be that children were wary of earning their fathers’ displeasure by any ill-advised activity on their part. Now it is the fathers who are decidedly terrified of their children. They cannot say ‘No’ to any of their demands; they cannot reprimand them for silly (often outright harmful) behaviour for fear of their getting offended; they do not have the guts to educate them when they clearly cross lines of acceptable behaviour lest they happen to cause irreparable damage to their fragile subconsciouses.
It used to be that children were wary of earning their fathers’ displeasure by any ill-advised activity on their part. Now it is the fathers who are decidedly terrified of their children. They cannot say ‘No’ to any of their demands.
Today, the belief prevalent among so many of the younger generation is that life is a party. For the most part, this owes to ineffectual parenting on the part of elders who are guilty of short-changing their charges, even if that is convenient for either side in the short haul. Too often it becomes a matter of parents saying things that their children want to hear, as opposed to what they need to hear. The resulting life-philosophy is that happiness is a birth-right, and that the surest means to achieving it is buying things and getting the most absurd of their wishes to keep coming true all the time. Such a life fails to notice that an indispensable part of being happy is to be without some of the things the heart so desires; and that for a fulfilled life, failure and frustration are as necessary as success and exhilaration. That is so because the means are as important as the ends, if not more so.
By allowing their children to dictate to them, the parents cease to be parents in the true sense of the word. The results of this are devastating to say the least: The quieter joys of life are replaced with excitement of the worst sort, relationships with screens, physical activities with gadgets, and healthy entertainment with mere distractions. The entitlement level among the average youngster today is unprecedented. What is more, it is certain to scale newer heights with every new day. Already, a youngster owning up to his or her failing is headline-news worthy on account of its uncommonness. As far as the youth is concerned, every setback must necessarily be on account of somebody else’s fault, never their own. In the past, it used to be friends who typically reinforced such self-serving ideas by being equally childish and unreasonable. The support now comes from much more unfortunate quarters: the parents themselves. Unwilling to call a spade a spade, they keep telling their children what great specimens they are. No wonder then that responsible adults have become such a rarity; and all one sees around is grown up babies – adults in outward appearance only, who are utterly incapable of taking responsibility for their lives. What else would one expected when their parents have never confronted them with home truths at the breakfast table?
