One often finds one’s thoughts and positions to be at odds with some of one’s peers. When it comes to collective and social issues, many people in such situations choose to take (or feel themselves obliged to take) an overly-aggressive approach to the problem, with some very unfortunate consequences. Just observe the quantum of unsolicited advice flying around in every direction. Especially from some religious sections, the nau-deeniye (to coin a term), who have just discovered or rediscovered religion, and who are notoriously noisy about it. They struggle to realize that they can act in any given situation as they see fit without insisting that everybody else follows their suit.
On the subject of unsolicited advice, recently in the middle of a routine jog, I was motioned to halt by a person whom I used to occasionally pass on the jogging track. It was barely a month earlier that we had exchanged names and that was the sum total of our acquaintance. When I asked him what the matter was, he informed me that though my shorts were knee-length, they were not quite satisfactory because the minimum requirement was not knee-length but longer than knee-length. He further announced for my benefit that this oversight on my part had made it incumbent upon me to perform the ritual purification bath.
Of course, the Subcontinent is famous for this sort of thing. But from what one hears, things are not much different in North America either, and I guess most other parts of the world as well. My sister tells me that sensible, concerned Muslims in the United States have a tough time persuading zealots among their own ranks from rebuking youngsters for wearing to the mosque T-shirts with silly words printed on them. No-doubt some of the messages on these shirts are in extremely bad taste (to say the least) and there is a need for educating the youth regarding that. But is that the first thing a youngster must be told? Any wonder many of them never return after such a reception?
One has on good authority many similar tales about men interested in Islam who were driven away by the unbridled zeal of enthusiastic – no doubt sincere – Muslims. One asked a first-time visitor to a mosque whether he was ‘clean’. Another told a man who wanted to know about Islam to first go and throw away all liquor kept in his house and only then return for further instructions. While there is no doubt that being clean and sober are important teachings of Islam, are these the first things to tell a man who shows interest in the religion? Surely, there has to be a sensible progression, a hierarchy that starts with principal beliefs and then progressively delves into details when the recipient is ready for it.
This is where tact becomes so indispensable. For zeal, no matter how well-meaning, is no substitutes for wisdom. Gary Miller narrates the story of his first visit to a mosque. On spotting him hesitating at the entrance, a young man came running towards him. He was a university student who had stationed himself in the mosque and who even did his homework there. Later on, he told Miller why he had rushed towards him. It was to prevent some fool getting hold of Miller first and driving him away from religion for good.
One source of the trouble is the unhealthy amount of interest in the affairs of others. Morality is, first and foremost, about the individual himself. It is my own affairs that I am principally answerable for. Sure, I am also responsible for the well-being of those who are dependent on me, or are closely associated with me; but this is where the question of authority arises. I may not like a young boy and a girl being overly chummy with each other… actually I do not like it one bit, as I believe it is harmful for the both of them. But unless one of them happens to be my own child (or I am responsible for his or her acts in some other capacity), I hardly have the right to play the moral police by rebuking them or worse.
It is one thing to comment on an issue generally and on principle; quite another to castigate an individual for failing to live up to one’s standards of piety. People seem to never tire of the exercise. There are notable exceptions too, though too few and far between. In a live TV Q&A session for instance, a questioner asked Maulana Wahiduddin Khan whether the sportswear worn by Sania Mirza conformed to Islamic standards. Khan’s response was a breath of fresh air. He told the questioner that he would have happily responded if Mirza had asked the question herself; which she hadn’t. Khan further demanded to know why the questioner was so worried about a problem that was absolutely none of his business.
There are many, of course, who are genuinely concerned about helping others by educating them regarding the right way of going about things. If they are not to fall into the trap of looking to derive pleasure out of ‘correcting’ others and demonstrating how pious and knowledgeable they are in comparison, they need to continually remind themselves that often the point is not whether a certain act (let us say qul, chaaleeswaan, or khatam) is correct or not. What needs to be appreciated is that the grieving family thinks it is beneficial, even outright mandatory in some cases. Many of them have never given any amount of thought to the issue, and are not even willing to consider the matter as debatable. Sure, there is a case for educating others where one thinks they have got it wrong, but there is a proper setting for everything; otherwise, the whole exercise becomes quite counterproductive. Nobody in an emotional frame of mind is likely to be willing to listen, let alone won over. And yet, people choose the most inappropriate of occasions to try and convince others and then complain that their altruistic initiative fails to get a fitting response.
We are all inclined to spread the truth (or what we hold to be the truth) once we believe that we are in possession of it. What we often forget is that something may very well be factually correct, but at the same time improper, or in bad tase, in a given context. This distinction between correct and proper is one that is apparently too fine for many to make.
Some people also have this tendency to suddenly choose to become the flagbearers of truth in certain matters. They are especially uncompromising because what they are saying is essentially true. The problem lies in the selective nature of their enthusiasm to proclaim certain truths from rooftops, while ignoring others. This is often part of a mischievous design, camouflaged to fool others and sometimes their own selves as well. It is worthwhile to remind oneself periodically that on many occasions our motivations are not as altruistic as we like to believe.
