‘What will people say?’ is arguably the most common rhetorical question heard in our part of the world. The short, brutal, answer to the question is ‘Probably what you would say about them were they in your situation.’ Of course, this answer, if one is blunt enough to express it in words, is unlikely to be received in anything remotely resembling the right spirit.
Which is unfortunate because it happens to be spot on. Those who do not find it impossible to resist commenting negatively on other people’s affairs typically do not need to worry about what those folks think and say of them. Those, on the other hand, who are always making fun of their acquaintances, friends and relatives behind their backs are the ones who are perpetually worried about the prospect of the boot being on the other foot. Hence the ‘How would I face the world?’, ‘What will the office folks say?’ and ‘How can I hide my predicament from those I have been ridiculing?’ problems.
While human beings showcase their irrational sides right, left, and centre; nowhere is their irrationality as unmasked as in their attitude towards gossip. They love it when some individual indulges or encourages them while they badmouth somebody, but are horrified if they learn that someone else has been guilty of articulating or allowing unflattering comments about them behind their backs. The author recently had the misfortune of hearing a woman (let us call her A) complaining in an extremely agitated manner that lady B was up to no good on account of being given to disclosing A’s criticism of another lady C in all its details to C in A’s absence! (Lady D was an eyewitness to this, apparently.)
At first, the author thought she was merely looking to get a laugh. But her demeanour and subsequent comments showed that she was quite earnest in considering herself the aggrieved party on ‘grounds’ that she was not being extended the basic courtesy of being allowed ‘harmless’ gossip without having to fear that her words would be reported to the party being discussed. That she could say so with a straight face would have been bad enough. What made it worse was that she seemingly had no idea just how hypocritical and entitled her behaviour was.
Not only from a moral perspective then, but also for the sake of one’s happiness and peace of mind, minding one’s own business, as a sensible policy, would take some beating. What is not always appreciated in this regard is the fact that what other people think of one is not one’s business any more than what they do is one’s concern.
Things like this are enough to get one to start questioning the whole ‘rational animal’ narrative. One looks in awe not at the evil, not even at the mischief that human beings are capable of; but at the sheer stupidity at their disposal. For it hardly requires Einstein-grade analytical skills to figure out that the domestic help or the neighbour lady who becomes one’s instant favourite on account of being quick to agree with one whenever one badmouths others is equally likely to do the same at one’s expense the moment one’s back is turned. To believe otherwise, there is no reason whatsoever.
The least an individual who cannot help yielding to the temptation of backbiting others can do is take it a little easy when she is at the receiving end of the same. That is, take in her stride the less-than-favourable reviews of her person coming from others. A rational thought on her part at such an occasion would be something like this: ‘So, it turns out that I am not the favourite personality of this lady. Which is hardly surprising considering that I rate her even lower in my hierarchy of organisms.’ Recognizing the critic’s temptations and weaknesses as those that resemble closely her own, she ought to be sympathetic to her and therefore willing to cut her some slack. As alluded to above, however; as a rule, the more set in her ways the backbiter is, the more she is concerned about her good image in the eyes of everybody– especially those she abhors. This ultra-sensitivity to behind-the-back criticism directed at her compounds her original failing of giving in to the temptation of bad-mouthing others.
Now, habitual backbiters may have a good time while they are gossiping away. But in the long run, and all things considered, the whole exercise fails to elevate them from their original sorry state to anything approximating happiness. Since it was precisely this miserable state that made them look for distractions to be able to pretend to have some meaning in their lives, the cycle commences all over again.
Not only from a moral perspective then, but also for the sake of one’s happiness and peace of mind, minding one’s own business, as a sensible policy, would take some beating. What is not always appreciated in this regard is the fact that what other people think of one is not one’s business any more than what they do is one’s concern.
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P.S. In place of the customary ‘man’, ‘he’ and ‘his’, the conscious use of ‘lady’, ‘she’ and ‘her’ in this piece to refer to individuals (without specifying any gender in particular) is the author’s way of contributing to the noble war against sexism in literature.
