I wouldn’t say it is in any way symbolic, but history will show that when new records for the Air Quality Index were being set in Pakistan, Donald Trump was being elected, or rather re-elected, US President. That should make Trump happy, for it would show that the smog is the result of a Chinese conspiracy to stop the USA from being great again. I don’t know. I think when Tolkien spoke of the Desolation of Smaug in The Hobbit, he wasn’t talking about a dragon, but what this city is like.
While Trump was President, we were told that global warming was just a Chinese conspiracy and pollution was good. He’s back, and I’m sure we’re back to being told off for falling in the trap of the Chinese. The AQI in Lahore has crossed 1000 regularly for some days now, showing consistently that it’s not breathable.
Multan has also recorded an AQI of over 1000, which shows that it wants to play with the big boys. If ever becomes the capital of a Seraiki province, it will be up there with the rest of them, one of the most polluted capitals of the world. It’s perhaps a matter of pride for us that Pakistan is ahead of India in the pollution stakes, though it doesn’t bear mentioning that Islamabad is nowhere near as polluted as Delhi.
One hopes that the Islamabad administration persuades the Potohar’s farmers to burn their crop stubble, and all those smoky vehicles of the Punjab government is going to take off the roads, it can import.
Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif may join his niece Maryam and brother Nawaz in Geneva. She’s gone to Geneva to see her doctor after falling sick because of the smog. There’re millions of us Lahorites who don’t have doctors in Geneva to help us escape the smog.
Actually, the smog is not as bad as in previous years, or at least it feels that way (the AQI readings say the opposite). So far, there hasn’t been the metallic taste in the mouth, or the funny smell in the air. (Though as I write these lines, I feel a strange tickle in my throat…)
The world has not yet exploded because of nuclear blasts, even though Trump has been elected President. I wonder what he will do, apart from granting more oil-drilling licences on federal lands, so as to fight against the Chinese conspiracy against the USA.
I know it was a bit of a risk, but the American establishment triumphed. And their operation is smooth. No cries of rigging, no discoveries of Form 47 as happened here in February. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if our establishment ensured Trump won. After all, he’s the Kuptaan’s friend, and should soon spring him out of jail. Whether he takes direct action, sends a SEAL team, or a Youtuber team, he will do something.
Meanwhile, Trump will once again prove boon for comedians around the world. It isn’t that he’s stupid, or shameless. Lots of people are. It’s the orange hair, and the outrageous hairstyle. That hairstyle alone makes comedians all over the world relieved that they’ve got something to joke about. It’s not just the orange hair. There’s also the orange skin. One hopes that the superintendent at Adiala is not too worried when a strange orange being comes to spring Imran. Imran is as anti-American as Putin or Kim Jong Il, or he qualifies. They weren’t elected either, so why should Imran worry?
Another person who shouldn’t worry should be Susie Wiles, Trump’s campaign manager, who has been named his chief of staff, which some argue is the second-most powerful job in the world. She was brave to take on the campaign of someone like Trump, whose conviction is for diverting campaign funds to a stripper to stoop her disclosing the affair she had with him. And now she is willing to take on the role of chief of staff. Well, at 60. She probably feels safe. She might not like it, but she’s safe.
