The oddest thing about this Champions’ Trophy has been that he final is in Dubai, We had a passel of matches here, but as the Indian government wanted to save its cricket team from the polluting qualities of Pakistani soil, if India was involved in a match, then it would be in Dubai. Even if they got into the final.
And that they did. After Pakistan had duly lost to them, of course, thereby showing diplomatic obedience. The semifinal between India and Australia was a replay of the World Cup final in Ahmedabad, when Australia whupped India right in front of Narendra Modi, and while the Aussie Deputy PM also watching. Clearly, Australia was not bothered about relations with India, or else it would have rolled over and been beaten by several hundred runs.
On the one hand, it was good to see that someone noticed, and Rizwan was sacked as captain, with Salman Ali Agha being named for the tour to New Zealand. But why was Rizwan singled out? Why was he not given the same treatment as Shan Masud, the captain of the Test team?
Is Salman Ali Agha likely to make it to the same page? Is he handsome enough? While Shaheen Shah Afridi was kept out of the captaincy because he was a very real threat to Imran Khan, because he was handsome enough to be brought onto the same page, Salman Ali Agha might be too ugly. Babar Azam certainly was. And Rizwan definitely is.
But I don’t think the selectors have turned to the right person for captain. A conservative choice would be Shan Masood. It wouldn’t stop the defeats, and another catch is that he would probably demand the same terms as for the Test captaincy, for which he has a lifetime guarantee.
But a bolder choice would be Azam Khan, who would also replace Rizwan as wicketkeeper. And Pakistan would also get a free roller. Rizwan kept him out of the team, even though he was the answer to Pakistan’s needs, because no one likes a threat. If Azam Khan had gotten on to the same page, he would have been the fattest and roundest PM of all time. But can such a fat man ever be considered handsome enough to make it onto the same page? Well, if such a rotund man could make it to the national team despite his poundage, there seems no reason why he can’t make it to the same page.
Two people who didn’t seem to be on the same page were Donald Trump and Volodymyr Zelenskyy. Zelenskyy must count himself lucky that he didn’t get beaten up, which is probably how Trump planned to make America great again. Still, you don’t become President because you want to practice mixed martial arts. Zelenskyy didn’t sign away his country’s mineral rights.
It seems that our own Ali Amin Gandapur has learnt from Trump in looking dangerous, but not actually beating up anybody. Trump has not shown as clean a pair of heels as Ali Amin did while fleeing Islamabd in October when the PTI’s attempted sit-in at D Chowk was dispersed, but then he hasn’t had the chance. Who would doubt that he would show as finely tuned a sense of self-preservation?
