In a recent television appearance, screenwriter and director Khalilur Rehman Qamar sparked controversy by equating dowry-seeking men to eunuchs.
Khalil-ur-Rehman Qamar’s stance against dowries seemed commendable at first, as he asserted that refusing dowry could foster love in marriages.
Beginning innocuously enough, KRQ declared, “I prefer love marriage because I think that is the only way of getting rid of the curse of dowries in our society. Jahez is the biggest sin. If a man doesn’t demand a dowry from his wife, he is already halfway there to love.”
However, his derogatory comparison of dowry-seeking men to ‘hijra’—a slur against transgender persons—revealed a troubling bias.
He further likened men who make dowry demands to ‘hijra’ – an offensive slur used for transgender persons. Without a hint of irony or apology, the Meray Paas Tum Ho writer said, “Men who take jahez are hijra. That is what I call them.”
In a half-hearted attempt to offer support for a maligned minority, KRQ added, “I mean no disrespect to transgenders, but I think men who ask for dowries are na mard.”
Despite his half-hearted disclaimer, his words perpetuated harmful stereotypes and failed to acknowledge the struggles of a marginalized community.
Not content with slandering just transgender persons, KRQ went on to offer advice on how to maintain a successful marriage. “Homes were made for women,” he explained. “These makaan (houses) that you see – why do we have them today? Historically, men have had no use for them. It is a woman who turns a house into a home, and it is a man’s responsibility to keep a woman in that home so that it can be a happy place.”
However, in a twist that should have been easy enough to spot, KRQ deferred the responsibility of maintaining a happy home and marriage directly to the women themselves. “For God’s sake, women, if you don’t look after your body, if you don’t keep your physique beautiful, you will lose your man!” he instructed in no uncertain terms. “A woman has to maintain herself if she is to keep her man interested. Start taking care of yourself!”
