CITY NOTES
The way the boys lost at Multan, the only positive to get out of it was that it wasn’t Bangladesh. Perhaps the most hapless figure is that cut by Shaan Masud, who is clinging like grim death to the captaincy. And who can blame him?
The PCB Chairman is engaged in masterly inaction, too busy with the coming SCO Summit to bother with such minor inconveniences. Coach Jason Gillespie is without the mullet he sported in his playing days, and has asked for patience, because the management has only been there for three Tests.
I don’t think he has realized what has happened. Pakistan made more than 500, and lost by an innings. I’m reminded of Archie Maclaren, the England captain, who led the fielding when Vic Trumper of Australia made Test cricket’s first century before lunch at Lord’s in 1902. When someone asked him what happened, he burst out angrily, “I set an inner ring and an outer ring. He got through them both. I couldn’t very well put long-on in the Nursery, could I?” (The Nursery is a practice-ground next to Lord’s itself). I’m sure Shan Masood had something similar to say.
It’s interesting that both captains are openers. I wonder who would like to trade places. Would Shan trade his century for the win? Ollie Pope played a captain’s knock in that England innings, when he left without troubling the scorer. Shan could well say that he had scored a century, and sp had two other pliers, and 556 was potentially a winning total. Even when England made 823, all was not lost. The rest of time could have been batted out.
There’ve been suggestions that Pakistan should opt out of Test cricket. I think that Pakistan should not fly too high, and should invite either Afghanistan and Ireland over, and hope that the margins of defeat are not too high. That’s the only way I can think of avoiding whitewashes.
One of the few positives for Pakistan is that no one dare claim a place on the same page. Especially none of the bowlers. This leaves Imran on the same page.
I presume Brook is against corruption, in which case he is a prospect for going on the same page as the British Army. After all, he’s played for the Lahore Qalandars, which is Imran’s city, though not his team. Brook would not be the first Yorkshireman to be PM. There was Harold Wilson. I don’t suppose Brook will have to found another party, but I don’t know whether he’s Tory or Labour. The first sign will be when he starts eating only organic food. Another great Yorkshire batsman was Geoff Boycott, who like Brook bowled medium pace. Brook doesn’t bowl with his cap on, as Boycott used to.
But I don’t think he’s all that popular with the PTI. I mean, he should have announced he was dedicating his triple-hundred to Imran’s release. He would then have been invited by no less than Ali Amin Gandapur to celebrate.
Such celebrations will ultimately cause Ali Amin to leave his liver to medical science, because it will be the Liver of the Century. He’s making a habit of mysterious disappearances after PTI rallies in Islamabad. This time, the Islamabad police claimed it raided KP House, but did not find him. They probably did not check behind the sofas or under the beds.
He reappeared in the KP Assembly. Did he complain that the Speaker was talking too loudly? Did he hide the network of fine red lines on his eyeballs behind dark glasses? Did he start at loud noises? Did he throw up in the lobby without warning? Or had he had the hair of the dog that bit him?
I see the Literature Nobel has gone to Han Kang, the Korean novelist, the first Asian woman to win. I see Kanye West and 50 Cent are disappointed, for ever since Bob Dylan won, they think a rapper should get it.
There’s also the Medicine category. Instead of giving to two Old White Males for DNA research, why not Snoop Dog for his personally observed research into the effects of weed on the human physique. Then Ali Amin would also qualify, for his liver research. Then Khan would also qualify, wouldn’t he?
