Delhi has taken back the record of being the world’s most polluted city. It thus behoves us all to take our oldest, smelliest, smokiest vehicle onto the road, and without moving, press the accelerator for five minutes. It would help if we gathered all our plastic waste and burnt it in the open. We should not stop until we drop dead, coughing to the last, with our eyes streaming. Last week, in these notes, I spoke of not feeling the burn. I spoke too soon, ever since Monday, I’ve been suffering.
Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif had the perfect excuse for staying away from the country. He was attending the COP29, which is the first time any PM has shown such devotion to the cause of climate change. While he was away, Delhi forged ahead of Lahore. It shows the advantage of the PM staying home, as Modi did.
India has recently been feeling threatened by Pakistan. After all, things haven’t been going its way. Pakistan’s Muhammd Asif drew level with India’s Pankaj Advani by winning his third International Billiards and Snooker Federation World Snooker Championship. Advani is three years younger at 39, so he probably has got a lot of snooker left in him. But he might choose to stay away, for he has won 17 billiard championships, and there isn’t a Pakistani on the horizon, so maybe he’ll focus on that..
As if that wasn’t enough, 10,000 students of DPS broke the record for the largest human flag, set earlier this year by 7368 students in India.
I wonder which country has the record for the most weight pulled using one’s moustaches? Or the most bees on one’s body without being bitten? The national policy should be adopted of finding out what records India has, and then breaking them.
I doubt if that would be possible in cricket though. Doubt if the record for the most runs could be bested, even if Shan Masood tried very hard. Besides, the threat to Imran is not from a cumulative record. After all, the top Pakistani runscorer of all time, Younus Khan, is well behind three Indian batsmen, Tendulkar, Dravid and Gavaskar. The top Pakistani wicket-taker, Waseem Akram, is behind Ravichandran Ashwin, Harbhajan Singh, Kapil Dev and Anil Kumble. Note: Waseem didn’t get on the same page, Imran did, even though Waseem took more wickets. Waseem didn’t even build a dispensary, let alone a cancer hospital.
Did Shaheen Shah Afridi get on the same page in the one-dayers or the T20Is against Australia? He didn’t. Haris Rauf might have, but he isn’t handsome enough. I don’t know how it’s happening, but those results are somehow being taken to mean that Shan Masood should remain captain of the Test team.
I’m no fan of the white-ball captain, Rizwan. I don’t think he makes the cut as a player. That should be the one and only Azam Khan. In fact, it is fear that we might pick him that is keeping India hemming and hawing about whether they will come to the ICC T20 Championship here.
In both India and Pakistan, it seems, the Board is under the Interior Ministry. India started it, when Jai Shah became BCCI Secretary in 2022. The BCCI Presidents have been distinguished cricketers, like Sourav Ganguly, or not-so-distinguished ones, like incumbent Roger Binny, who played for India. He batted a bit, bowled a bit of military medium, did neither particularly well, so was picked as an all-rounder. Jai Shah’s main claim to fame is that he’s the son of Indian Interior Minister and BJP President Amit Shah. Jai Shah is all set to be the ICC President in December.
Our PCB chief is Interior Minister Mohsin Naqvi. He has appealed to the ICC to decide on India’s refusal to come to Pakistan. The same ICC that Jai Shah is about to head.
I am put in mind of the father of Sara, the 10-year-old girl murdered in the UK by her father, uncle and stepmother. At the trial, the father said that his second wife made him do it. He seems to be arguing that he had no will of his own. He seems to be hoping against hope, much as our Interior Minister is hoping that Jai Shah won’t listen to Amit Shah.
