It has been my custom to try and avoid social gatherings for many years now. Of course, I do participate when it would be too impertinent not to– but reluctantly and under protest so to speak. This has not escaped notice, and I have consequently been awarded various epithets from ‘asocial’ to ‘downright misanthropic’, with everything in between. On my part, I plead not guilty to all such allegations. The fact of the matter is simply this: I do not suffer gladly bores, who, unfortunately, seem to be a permanent feature of every company comprising more than five individuals.
Bores are a peculiar species. Irrespective of his type and number, the defining feature of every bore is utter disregard for anything or anybody except his own self. In his view, the raison d’être of all others is to serve as the audience for his observations on whatever is of interest to him. If not for that, as far as he is concerned the others may as well not exist. Bores have always been around I suspect. What with the steady decline in the number of truly cultured men however (who used to somewhat mitigate the issue), the bore problem is getting worse by the day. Here is a brief survey of the major bore varieties:
The first (and arguably the most common) type is the individual who always talks shop: how he carries out his vocational tasks, the various challenges that confront him, his unrivalled accomplishments on the job front, and his vision for the future. He knows of nothing else –nothing interesting, at any rate. When on some rare occasion he is not talking shop, somebody (because others are equally bereft of any interesting ideas) is apt to trigger him by asking him a job-related question, after which there is no stopping the bore.
The second type of bore is apt to share with you the details of the property he owns– the complete list, how he acquired each item, etc. It does not matter if he has told it to you a million times before. Since most everybody is at least a part-time property dealer now, one major bore variety combines the first and the second types. You can verify this in any gathering by just walking around and listening casually to the various conversations. Chances are that more than half of them would be about plots, files, rents, instalments, interest rates and housing societies.
The third type of bore happens to be my favourite on account of being the least intolerable. He is the individual who tells you the same story every time he meets you. How he broke his leg, how he recovered from dengue, the circumstances that led to his famous wedding, and the like. This is my favourite type of bore because it is amusing to keep track of the number of times the same story has been recounted. In fact, I have found it of immense entertainment value to maintain an ‘honours board’ of individuals who have distinguished themselves in this art. It can no doubt be depressing when such stories concern the bore’s medical history (as is often the case). In the spirit of positive thinking however, one can use it as an opportunity to feel blessed for not having all those medical issues.
Bores of various sorts infest all gatherings, and there are only two ways to avoid suffering at their hands. You could put a stop to all the nonsense by being honest and giving the bore a piece of your mind. But this recourse is available only to the select few that are unusually blunt. For those of a more sensitive disposition, that only leaves the other alternative. Am I to blame then if I make it a point to avoid all social events if I can at all help it?
The fourth kind of bore cannot resist the temptation of filling you in on all the information about the recent wedding of some loved one (her loved one that is, not yours)– photographs, videos and all. What makes it even more taxing than it otherwise would is the interest one must feign, since these are usually well-meaning elderly ladies. Especially tormenting is when they point to a photo and say something like: ‘This is Panna’s husband. What a good boy he is! Wait a minute, I think he may be Nini’s husband instead. Nini is such a dear! No, now that I think about it, it is Panna’s husband after all.’ And there you are, thinking that the only thing in the world that is less than your knowledge of the identity of Panna and Nini is your desire for that knowledge. But you cannot say that, of course.
The fifth type of bore is apt to thrust into your face, without as much as a warning, his mobile phone and wants you to enjoy some video that he has found hilarious. His enthusiasm makes it clear that he will settle for nothing less than a guffaw from you at the end of the video. What is most irritating, in addition to the usually hackneyed video itself, is his expression that demands credit for the discovery of such a ‘gem’.
The sixth type of bore keeps reciting what he thinks is high poetry, but which can at best be characterized as doggerel or sentimental tripe of the lowest grade. For somebody like me who thinks of poetry as divine inspiration, this variety of bore is probably the hardest to tolerate.
(Thankfully, we boys do not have to put up at social gatherings with unending conversations about dresses, ‘prints’, tailors, laces, jewellery and mothers-in-law. This is a generally unappreciated aspect of the largely same-gender groups that are still the norm in this society. One cannot be grateful enough for small mercies.)
Unfortunately, even those who guard against belonging to any of the above categories of bore also end up uttering banalities. For interesting small talk is an art open only to those who have genuine passion and taste for ‘useless’ things such as poetry and literature. Rare that such individuals already are, they are getting rarer every passing day.
Bores of various sorts infest all gatherings, and there are only two ways to avoid suffering at their hands. You could put a stop to all the nonsense by being honest and giving the bore a piece of your mind. But this recourse is available only to the select few that are unusually blunt. For those of a more sensitive disposition, that only leaves the other alternative. Am I to blame then if I make it a point to avoid all social events if I can at all help it?
